Filipino Pre-Wedding Traditions Then and Now

In this archipelago of more than 7,100 islands, wedding traditions vary from island to island, province to province, north to south. The wedding traditions and rituals of today are a fusion of influences from the Spanish, the Americans and the Japanese, all of whom have occupied the country at different times in its colorful history.

Every Filipino wedding starts with a proposal because no Filipina would get married without one, even if it just means a simple 鈥渓et鈥檚 get married鈥?from the groom-to-be. Proposals these days have turned into big events with the groom often enlisting the help of family and friends to create a grand production just to pop the magical question. Of course, no proposal is complete without the ring. While the concept of the engagement ring has Western influences, the practice of the groom offering a dowry to his betrothed is one that goes way, way back in Philippine culture. The bride鈥檚 dowry, in the olden times, included offerings of money, clothes and jewelry. So when you think about it, men today have it easy since they only need a ring.

With the proposal done and the ring on the bride-to-be鈥檚 finger, the pamamanhikan or the meeting of the two families now takes place. The pamamanhikan is traditionally held at the bride鈥檚 home with the groom and his family coming over and bringing with them food and some other gifts. This can get a bit awkward especially if the parties are meeting for the very first time. In early times, the budget is an aspect of the wedding that is often discussed during the pamamanhikan. This was during those days when all wedding expenses were shouldered by the groom鈥檚 family. These days, expenses are shared between the two families. It is also not uncommon to find the bride and groom paying for their wedding from their own savings. The guest list is also a huge part of the wedding that takes long discussions. Filipinos are known for close family ties so it鈥檚 normal for the bride and groom to consider inviting relatives in the 2nd and 3rd degrees. Of course, close friends from childhood, school (from grade school, high school and college) and work places also have to be included. It is also customary for the bride and groom to consult with their parents for their own additions to the guest list. So you can just imagine how long the list can get.

Now all the details are ironed out, it鈥檚 time for the pre-wedding parties. The groom is thrown a stag party by his friends and the bride gets a shower party from hers. The bride, however, gets a special send-off party hosted by her family. This is called the despedida de soltera, which literally means farewell to spinsterhood. This takes place within the last 2 weeks before the wedding day and is usually held at the bride鈥檚 home. The groom and his family are invited to this party together with the wedding entourage. The bride鈥檚 close friends and relatives are also present during this celebration which signifies the bride鈥檚 family giving their blessing to the wedding.

The serenades and the long courtships have been replaced by the more modern dating practice. Shotgun weddings and arranged marriages have long been forgotten. But these pre-wedding rituals have withstood the test of time and, thankfully, are still practiced, save for some tweaking to keep with the modern times.